transition anyone?

i want to scream. the stagnacity of my academic life is pushing at me from all sides like a bewildered diver in a decompression chamber gone awry--feeling the pressure from all sides, all he can do is slam his fists against the lifeless 10-inch thick steel door to signal to the person in control that something is wrong...

research has been appealing to me since i have started it in france. doing different experiments everyday, all of which piecing together to a big puzzle, all of which contributing to a bigger scheme that will hopefully someday grace public light through a scientific paper or a thesis of some sort, has been infinitely interesting to a student with not enough background to see the bigger picture. thinking it would be the perfect detour to the french academic life of going to class for 8 hours a day, not studying due to fatigue or time, and hoping to piece together a credit here or there to get my degree in a timely fashion, i dutifully elected to be in a lab for 7 hours a day and to be taught directly from a prominent organic chemist in his field of duty...

and i now realize that which was different every day has changed...

like the little kid with a new swingset--when he first starts out, everything is a new experience; the swingset's pendulous motion gives hours of instant fun at the kick of his legs, the cargo net's physical challenge to mount into the keep strikes fear and exhiliration at each step...and then, it all changes. 3 months after the playground was brought before his curious eyes, the kid moves on to the new interesting toy, leaving the playground to rot in the backyard. what was new and interesting, through familiarization and extensive overuse, has become old and menial.


i am ready to move on with my life. i am through drifting for now. i want consistency to base my habits around, and i want to learn about interesting things again...